Watch This Now: Paper Arms – “Tanks of Dust”
“The smoke is clearing, and I can see it’s burning out…”
If you look closely at the most recent tour poster for Adelaide melodic punks Paper Arms, you might see a dude at the far right having a good old fashioned scream-along directly into the face of Josh Mann, the band’s frontman. “Gee, David, are you doing a none-too-subtle mention of the fact that you’re on the tour poster?” Why yes, dear reader, as a matter of fact I am! And the point of this story? Why, simply to tell you that I fucken love me a bit of Paper Arms.
This year, they’ve finally dropped their second studio album, the follow up to 2010′s positively bitchin’ Days Above Ground. In order to generate a bit more interest, the band have teamed up with Adelaide collective Passel Media to deliver an intense visual portrayal of the album’s opening number. It’s a single location of the humble dining table in the middle of the kitchen area, which seems to start off innocently enough as the start of a morning between a couple. That is, of course, until they start playing mind games around the same time that the drums kick in. I won’t give it away, but I can tell you this much: If you’ve learned one thing from this blog, it’s that actions can speak a shitload louder than words, and sometimes silence can convey more than a speech ever could.
Watch This Now: The Lazy Calm – “Petrol, Paint and Glue”
“Time is changing me, I’ve got to get my life together…”
In popular Australian music, we seem to go through two back-and-forth stages: everyone is either selling their guitars to buy synthesizers, or selling their synthesizers to play guitars. In a period of the former, Tim & Jean ruled supreme – and, upon listening to their debut LP, Like What, rightfully so. Those hooks! Those keys! How delightful. Anyway, last year Jean Capotorto decided that he needed to take a break from music, effectively ending that synth-driven daydream and leaving Tim Ayre and the T&J live band to pick up the pieces.
For what it’s worth, they have adapted remarkably. The Lazy Calm, as the collective are now known, show a great ambition and drive to create something that’s substantially different from the T&J sound. This has transferred, too, into their video making. For a song standing boldly against substance abuse in indigenous communities, the band head to the outback with Jae Laeffer of The Panics and Delson Stokes Jr. of the Yabu Band, who both feature in the song. The location is breathtaking, the sentiment is strong and the whole affair reminds me significantly of Midnight Oil‘s iconic video for Beds Are Burning. Hell, we may well have ourselves a new iconic Australian video right here. A must-see.
Watch This Now: Brendan Maclean – “Stupid”
“But you work in an office, and you’ve got other offers…”
I’ve gone on before about how much I adore Brendan Maclean. He was the first-ever featured artist on this here blog, he’s had two videos in my top 10 clips of the year (2010 and 2011) and… well, shit, I just adore the little fucker. Can you blame me? He’s just so endearing and brave and interesting and funny – on and offline. It all really seems to be coming together for him now – at long last, we’re going to get an album from this son of a bitch, thanks to the support of his Pozible crew (which you should totally check out over here) and the wizardry of Paul Mac on the production knobs.
To celebrate, Brendan has just released his fifth music video. I missed out on the last two, OnlyOnly and Beat Me to It – the former because I pretty much have a “no performance videos” rule, and the latter because it was released during vacation time. Sorry, B-Mac! Hopefully, I can make up for it with a glowing review for this wonderful clip – potentially the best of the lot. Here, Brendan ends up as the only other person at a party. Rather than make things awkward, however, he decides to have a bit of a dance. Wait… a bit? A LOT of a dance might be a bit closer to the mark. Meanwhile, the girl who’s thrown the party (played by Eloise Winestock) decides that it’s her party and that she can bloody well cry if she wants to. She gets sadder and sadder as Brendan gets happier and happier. What a beautiful contrast it makes, too. If he keeps it up, not to mention with The Great Gatsby finally coming out this year, 2013 will be the year of the Mac. Get on board.
Watch This Now: Feelings – “Intercourse”
“I like to create a dialogue, that leads everyone to intercourse…”
Morning! Here’s something new from and old buddy, producer and rocker extraordinaire Simon Berckelman. You may remember him as Berkfinger, the fearless leader of the late, great Philadelphia Grand Jury. He’s now a solo adventurer under the name of Feelings, and has just dropped his second single for this project. How very exciting! To go with the song, Simon has teamed up with filmmaker Erin McBean for a low-budget, Tim and Eric-esque affair that revels in its kitsch and uncomfortable oddity. Where else but Berlin!
In the video for Intercourse, Simon appears to have found himself in an Odd Couple-esque situation with… what the hell is that, exactly? Is that an arsehole on someone’s face? Is it a mouth made out of a thumb and index finger? Whatever the hell it is, it’s pretty disconcerting – especially when it’s jumping on the bed and creating all kinds of anarchy in the midst of an antique doll-house that both the unruly/untidy one and Simon have managed to squeeze themselves into. It’s daggy, it’s squirmish and it’s an absolute charm.
Top 30 Videos of 2012: The Top 10!
Friends, Romans, countrymen – lend me your eyes!
Twenty excellent videos over four weeks has brought us to this very moment, where we take a look at the ten absolute best videos of 2012. From dentist appointments across the pond to love in a Korean elevator and back, it’s been a remarkably varied and endlessly fascinating year for music videos. Here’s hoping 2013 can hold a candle! For now, though, here are THE TOP TEN VIDEOS OF 2012 ACCORDING TO YES, WE’VE GOT A VIDEO!
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10. Milhouse - Cereal
Directed by Tim Harris
As you’ve probably seen on this blog over the past two and a half years, a great music video has no set format. A million dollar budget doesn’t guarantee excellence, neither does a shoe-string budget. Sometimes, however, all you need is a single camera and a crazy idea. Such is the case with Sydney band Milhouse. Earlier in the year, they had the chance to work with a team at NIDA on a video after winning a Triple J Unearthed competition. As fun as that clip was, however, what they followed it up with would far surpass any NIDA chin-stroking. The premise: See how much cereal bass player Dave Drayton could work his way through in the 2.5 minute run-time of his band’s imaginatively-titled Cereal. Is it stupid? Magnificently stupid. Stupid like a fox. That’s more or less the entire point. It’s a fantastically endearing attempt to take a joke and run with it.
Read my original post on Cereal here.
9. Tellison - Freud Links the Teeth and the Heart
Directed by Tim Peck
This came out of nowhere – I genuinely can’t remember exactly how it ended up on my screen. Nevertheless, I’m so very glad that it did - Freud Links the Teeth… ended up becoming one of my most-watched and most-beloved videos of the year. Here, the band take what would normally be a boring and dreary place – in this case, the dentist’s office – and turn it into a place where anything could happen. Flourishes of romance and flirting, a horrific twist in the dentist’s chair and even a bit of a sing-along with the four patients in the waiting room, who have all conveniently brought along their instruments of choice. It’s funny, it’s sweet, it’s a little bit mental. Really, it’s one hell of a way to make a lasting impression.
Read my original post on Freud Links the Teeth and the Heart here.
8. Justin Bieber feat. Big Sean - As Long as You Love Me
Directed by Anthony Mandler
If you saw the brilliant Ask a Network Executive parody last year, sketch comic Brian Firenzi played Michael Destiny, the Head of Programming at MTV. As much as I laughed at this sharply-acted sketch, I wanted to argue the point made that popular videos are more worthless now than ever before. You could indeed argue in the affirmative of that statement, using everyone from Flo Rida to Reece Mastin as examples. That said, I’m disagreeing – and I’m using this video as my leading most recent example. Has the Biebs been guilty of shitty, product-placement-driven videos in the past? As sin. But Christ, he was FIFTEEN. I’d have done anything Usher told me to do at fifteen – fuck, I probably still would. Regardless, this video was a game-changer. With director Anthony Mandler and Reservoir Dogs‘ own Michael Madsen in tow, Bieber delivered a Michael Jackson-esque high-concept pop clip. It’s confronting, impeccably choreographed and just a bit edgier and darker than anything Biebs had done prior. Really, the only reason you haven’t given it a chance yet is because your friends think Bieber is “lame” or “gay” or whatever the equivalent is with your age group. Fuck them.
Read my original post on As Long as You Love Me here.
7. M.I.A. – Bad Girls
Directed by Romain Gavras
2005: A young, fresh and stunningly beautiful face drops (seemingly literally) from the sky and welcomes us to the jungle with the dazzling, bold video for Sunshowaz. 2007: The aforementioned face has become M.I.A., international breakthrough artist who appears on Letterman and gets the Beastie Boys to cameo in her New York-shot video for smash hit Paper Planes. 2010: M.I.A. releases her clip for Born Free, a nine-minute clip depicting genocide and war that has gone on to become one of the most talked-about music videos of the past 15 years. It’s no stretch to say that M.I.A. has built a legacy on her clips – so, in 2012, with all but a single to her name, she knew she had to make her only video of the year count. Reinlisting Born Free director Romain Gravas, known for aggressive and intense clips, was the wise first step. The next was taking Bad Girls to Morocco – specifically, the city of Ourarzazate. The rest essentially played itself out – jaw-dropping car stunts, a knowing mockery of big-budget Western hip-hop clips and a message of endearment, empowerment and liberation. “Bad girls do it well?” Too right.
Read my original post on Bad Girls here.
6. St. Vincent – Cheerleader
Directed by Hiro Murai
Last year, I made great note of the contrast between the opening and closing shots of my number 2 video of the year, Children Collide‘s Loveless. I can draw a similar parallel here, in which Cheerleader begins with Annie Clark – aka St. Vincent – laying on the floor, oblivious to what surrounds are. It ends with Clark yet again on the floor – this time, however, in literal ruins; and all too aware of where she is. Cheerleader is a video that astounded and baffled me on my first few viewings – hell, I pretty much openly admitted to having no idea exactly what the whole thing was about. On reflection, I’ve come to terms with what I see in Cheerleader – this is a video that takes an idea about feminine perception and artistic ideals and makes it gargantuan, ugly and disastrous. It’s a mirror-turn on pretension and objectification. This is what so many women go through each and every day – at least from a metaphorical or internal perspective. Really, Cheerleader says so much without really saying anything at all.
Read my original post on Cheerleader here.
5. The Shins - Simple Song
Directed by DANIELS
From fancy ice-skating to origami cows, The Shins have always delivered videos that delve into the fantastical and the strangely delightful. It was fitting, then, that they delivered what is quite possibly their best video ever at what was quite possibly the most crucial time to have one – at a stage of re-introduction. This video came five years after the band’s last album, Wincing the Night Away. In that time, the band had relocated and changed practically its entire line-up save for bandleader James Mercer. Essentially, this would serve as an introduction to a new generation – yes, you’d be damn surprised how much can change in five years – as well as a reminder for fans who may have forgotten about them. In both regards, this video delivered in spectacular fashion – the new band members play estranged siblings, brought back to their old family house by their deceased dad, played by Mercer. Imagine The Royal Tenenbaums with its cast halved and sped up to 3.5 minutes, adding in some slapstick for extra measure, and you’re halfway to capturing the bittersweet magic of this clip. From the switching between VHS footage and present day to the wrecking crew finale, there is just so much to take in, adore and enjoy here. If anything, it’s a great reminder that the family that fights together, stays together.
Read my original post on Simple Song here.
4. Grimes - Oblivion
Directed by Emily Kai Bock
Just to give you some sort of idea on the power of this video – the director, Emily Kai Bock, actually pulled out of studying a degree in film in order to keep up with the demand of work she got in the wake of this clip’s release. Millions of views and countless accolades later, it’s easy to note Oblivion as one of the defining moments of music videos, pop music, indie crossover… whatever timeline you’re looking down, Oblivion is there. This collaboration between Bock and lispy Canadian darling Clare Boucher was born out of a mere exercise in visual contrast. What happens when you take Boucher – petite, fairy-like, wide-eyed, innocent, sweetly dancing and miming to her own song playing on a portable CD player of all things – and place it in the fiercely masculine world of live sports? The reactions run from pure confusion of some gridiron players to an overly enthusiastic bro dancing away and making up his own words to lip-sync along to. There’s a later scene where a dozen shirtless dudes start slam-dancing behind her, while she’s dressed like a character out of The Crucible and, just like clear influence Robyn, dancing on her own. Is it meant to highlight just what dropkicks men can be when surrounded by beer and sport? Is it meant to show that these type of events aren’t just for beer-soaked cock-rockers anymore? Sure, Oblivion raises more questions than answers them – but the fact that they’re even being raised in the first place is proof alone that this was must-watch music television. Hell, it still is, regardless of your play count.
Read my original post on Oblivion here.
3. Lambchop - Gone Tomorrow
Directed by Zack Spiger
Let’s get this one out of the way. Is Gone Tomorrow so high because of my love of pro wrestling? In a way, yes. But there’s a lot more to it than that. Gone Tomorrow is a celebration of the everyman that isn’t like every man. For every guy that works just as hard at what they do than their friends and neighbours and gets a quarter of the credit. Obviously you don’t have to be a pro wrestler to have an occupation that’s somewhat out of the ordinary – but it certainly makes for great aesthetics in this clip. We’re not talking WWE levels of pro wrestling, either – this is bingo hall stuff, the overlooked and under-appreciated indie circuit. From the moment Kurt Wagner picks up a giant wrestler in his car to the second their match ends, you know that there’s going to be no moment of glory. There’s no Mickey Rourke tale of overcoming adversity. To these guys, it’s just another day on the job. Wagner is just an observer here, intrigued by his surrounds. It’s played out with no judgement – and, in a way, that’s what makes Gone Tomorrow so stirringly beautiful.
Read my original post on Gone Tomorrow here.
2. PSY - Gangnam Style
Directed by Lee Bo Young
Few things have gone so remarkably quickly from “OMG, have you SEEN this?” to “OMG, why won’t this go away?” than Gangnam Style. We went from making the guy a cult hero to public enemy number one within the course of roughly half a year. Pop culture? POP CULTURE? Gangnam Style fucking WAS pop culture in 2012 – and, yes, we know how edgy you are for thinking that this video is – quote – “gay” – unquote. But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to discuss the remarkably odd and strangely inspiring tale of PSY, the mid-30s Korean pop star who became 2012′s least likely pop sensation roughly half-a-dozen albums into his career. Despite notable success in his homeland, it never crossed over with a western audience. This can be said for most of the K-pop world, save for a few YouTube hits that have bedazzled and befuddled countless English speakers for their brightly-coloured sugar rushes and plotless oddities. Perhaps what worked for Gangnam Style was the fact that it was in on the joke. Many of the K-pop videos of the past few years have felt like you’re laughing at them – with Gangnam Style, we were quite clearly laughing with the guy as he poked fun at the rich lifestyle in Seoul. Audiences of all ages found themselves with a different favourite part – whether it was the arse screaming, the elevator dance or the world-famous invisible horse. To this day, I’m fascinated by the series of events that lead to this becoming literally the most viewed video in the history of the internet – take that, Evolution of Dance! You don’t need to click above and watch it again, but take a moment to think about the weight of this statement: Gangnam Style has changed the way we think about pop videos, hit singles, technology and the power of “viral” internet trends. Not bad for a song with literally three words of English in it.
1. Spiritualized - Hey Jane
Directed by AG Rojas
There’s a very, very distinct difference that needs to be made here. Hey Jane is, far and away, the single best music video of 2012. It is, however, by no means my most-watched video of the year. Hell, I’ve probably watched it less than some of the videos that didn’t even make the cut for my top 30. Even with some of those views, I haven’t been able to make it through the entire thing. So, how does a video like this end up at the top of the list? It’s very, very simple: Hey Jane is the single most powerful piece of film I saw in all of last year. It’s gritty, it’s uncomfortable, it’s raw, it’s a complete punch in the guts at times. This isn’t a smile-along, happy-ending video. This is a portrayal of a rough-trot life that is all too familiar and, for many, will hit achingly close to home. It’s as much about parenthood and protection as it is GLBT rights. It deals with the joy of family – however much it deviates from the nuclear format – as much as it sheds life on the truly dark and seedy underbelly of strip club lifestyles. It takes on violence, influencing youth, city living, escaping hardship and finding out what means the most to you in this life. It’s a truly unforgiving audio-visual experience, but one that will leave your reaping its rewards for a damn long time yet.
Read my original post on Hey Jane here.
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There you go, guys! Sorry about the delays but I really hope you enjoy these videos as much as I enjoyed writing about them!
The other 20 videos can be found here, here, here and, of course, here!
We’re back to all-new videos next week, so I’ll see you then!
Top 30 Videos of 2012: 15 – 11
Shit is about to get well pointy, son! This time around, we’ve got crazy kids, crazy pep-peps and crazy dudes with sledgehammers. You have been warned – THIS is the second half of the top 30 videos of the year, and it’s fucking GLORIOUS.
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15. tUnE-yArDs - My Country
Directed by Mimi Cave
There’s always been somewhat of a childlike wonder to what Merrill Garbus - aka tUnE-yArDs – does in her music. So why not bring in an army of tykes to visualise the opening track from her brilliant W H O K I L L record? As a matter of fact, you might not even notice when Merrill herself appears in the video – she blends in with their excitement and awe perfectly. Not only does this look like it was an insane amount of fun to make, but because there’s so many super-cute/super-awesome kids, you can probably pick out a favourite or two. I’m gonna go with old mate on the drums, the bald kid that’s REALLY getting into it. The popping-and-locking breakdance girl is a winner, too. Life-affirming awesomeness cometh in the form of tUnE-yArDs. The kids are alright.
Read my original post on My Country here.
14. Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Directed by Declan Whitebloom
A lot of questions got raised in the wake of this video’s release. Does T-Sweezy really need those glasses? Why are her bandmates all dressed up like woodland creatures? Is there a plot to this thing at all? You can probably answer all of them with a quick whack ’round the side of the head and an exclamation of “DUDE! It’s a pop video!” Of course it’s completely ridiculous and plotless. That’s half the fucking point! I’m like a fly going towards the zapper when it comes to Taylor’s videos, but I love this one the most for its knowing humour and its willingness to be just a little adventurous – the single camera format in particular is fantastic, and I wish more pop videos used it. A pleasure that was guilty as charged.
Read my original post on We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together here.
13. Dinosaur Jr. - Watch the Corners
Directed by The Director Brothers
For all his sour demeanour and his perceived lack of humour, I still think that J. Macsis is a funny dude. Doing a video like Over It, a parody of nineties skate videos, was solid enough evidence. But bringing in a guy like Tim Heidecker (of Tim & Eric and The Comedy fame) sealed the deal for me. Watch the Corners isn’t quite a “funny” video, per se; in the same way that Heidecker’s The Comedy wasn’t quite funny. That said, it’s a blackly comic affair about young love, over-protective parents and crossing over into the rebellious teen phase. It fits the song perfectly, and given Heidecker has less than 10 seconds of dialogue all up, his actions speak far louder than words in this context. Watch out for the pool and watch out for the final revenge on his daughter’s ex.
Read my original post on Watch the Corners here.
12. DZ Deathrays – No Sleep
Directed by Vonne Patiag
The DZ boys know how to make a lot out of a little – hell, prior to this clip, their best-known clip was a one-take for The Mess Up which was just the band doing as many shots as possible. And so, with a small pink backdrop and a comedy superstar, DZ manage to deliver a hilarious twist on a classic video, that being Paul Simon‘s clip for You Can Call Me Al. With Arj Barker taking the place of Chevy Chase, he takes the ball and runs with it, throwing in some ridiculous guitar shredding and bongo solos for extra measure. What you see is what you get with this one – and what you get is awesome lip-syncing, sledgehammers and PUPPIES! Don’t worry, the last two aren’t related.
Read my original post on No Sleep here.
11. Explosions in the Sky - Postcard From 1952
Directed by Peter Simonite and Annie Gunn
Photography and video have gone hand-in-hand forever. There’s been countless music videos that have been made up entirely of photographs, and it’s a really cool and interesting idea when done properly. What’s so fascinating about Postcard From 1952 however, is that it’s a video documentation of the moments that lead up to – as well as the moments that follow after – a photo being taken. It takes the concept of the song’s title and runs with it. The scenery, the costumes, the locations… it’s absolutely breathtaking. It goes to show just how much can go into a solitary moment, a flickering second in time that’s captured. Absolutely wonderful stuff. A true video experience.
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Next week… the top 10! It’s all over, dude!
To prepare for the upcoming awesome, why not reacquaint yourself with the other fifteen videos in the countdown? You can do so here, here and here.
Top 30 Videos of 2012: 30 – 26
For its third consecutive year, we are back with the best videos of the year! 2010 was a big year for pop, with Lady Gaga taking the top spot. 2011 was an obvious winner, with Gotye and Kimbra facepainting their way to number one. What of this year? Well, it’s an incredibly mixed bag. I had a lot of fun watching and putting this list together, so I do hope very much indeed that you at least find a couple of clips that tickle your fancy. And really, with the amount of different styles and videos on display here, it would take quite a stern reader to not find any enjoyment in this countdown, if I do say so myself!
Alright, let’s begin!
With apologies to: Tom Waits, Childish Gambino, Killer Mike, The Black Keys, Gorillaz, OFF!, Hilltop Hoods, Kimya Dawson, Matt & Kim, Pet Shop Boys, Macklemore and Grizzly Bear.
30. King Parrot - Shit on the Liver
Directed by Dan Farmer
Here was a late-runner in proceedings, but one that scaled the ranks quite quickly – probably as fast as the blast-beats heard throughout the song itself. At a time when a lot of Australian metal dudes are just humourless black-clad fucks stroking their goatees, Melbourne’s King Parrot like to fuck with things just a little. They’re already out their enough as it is with their grindcore-influenced take on metal, but they push the envelope just a little further with this manic video. A limited-budget, once again, proves to have zero correlation with limited imagination. The best Australian metal video in years.
Read my original post on Shit on the Liver here.
29. Liars - Brats
Directed by Ian Cheng
There was always something about Liars that never quite sat right with me. I don’t know whether it was just an air of we’re-so-clever that ticked me off, or their drony monotone vocals that plagued their earlier material. Whatever the case, they have started to impress me more and more lately – and I can’t think of a better example of just how they have done this than with the truly demented video for Brats. At first, it feels like someone on acid playing around with a pre-internet animation computer program. Delving further makes it feel like… well, still like someone on acid doing something. But that’s almost the point. Using incredible motion capture work and a healthy dose of glitching weirdness, Liars are officially out of my bad books. Well played, boys.
28. Solange - Losing You
Directed by Melina Matsoukas
Her moment has arrived. Her time in the shadow of that sibling is officially over. Ladies and gentlemen, Solange Knowles has officially taken to the limelight after several false starts and poor career moves. She did it using this remarkable video as a platform – a technicolour pop dream, full of bright colours, big hair and culture shock. With her most dapper friends in tow, Solange takes to the streets of South Africa and brings her eighties-town beats and sharp fashion with her. This more or less completely encapsulated every thing that is wonderful about Solange – and, better still, what more is to come.
Read my original post on Losing You here.
27. Fiona Apple - Every Single Night
Directed by Joseph Cahill
Many would choose an array of whistles and bells to signal their return after several years in exile. Then again, Fiona Apple always has – and probably always will be – unlike those that would fall into the “many” category. How does she begin her first video in over half a decade? With a make-up artist carefully placing an octopus on her head. Because of course she did. Every Single Night sees FiFi quite literally getting back to nature – burying herself in snails, feeding a crocodile, heaving against an aquarium wall and snuggling up to some kind of centaur. It’s an intensely watchable experience, really; and one that really drives home everything that is fervently creative and wholly unique regarding Ms. Apple. About damn time, too.
Read my original post on Every Single Night here.
26. David Byrne and St. Vincent - Who
Directed by Martin de Thurah
From his shoulder-pad shrugging to continuously slapping himself in the face, David Byrne essentially pioneered the weird-arse dance for music videos throughout the 80s. Now in his early sixties, the man has still got the moves – and here, it’s essentially a case of him passing the torch. On the receiving end is Annie Clark, who we all know and adore as St. Vincent. After Byrne discovers her lying in the middle of the road, it’s time that he teaches her to dance. It’s not long after this that they get other people in on the jig – figuratively and literally. Really, this couldn’t have come from any other duo – it’s jolty and absurdist film-making, bringing out a true sense of oddity that sees two generations of weirdos meld minds and shake hips.
Read my original post on Who here.
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Part two up next Monday!
Watch This If You Dare: John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John – “I Think You Might Like It”
“We can cry tomorrow, watching It’s A Wonderful Life…”
Should get this out of the way up top: DON’T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO JOHN TRAVOLTA‘S EYES IN THE ABOVE PHOTO. HE WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL, AND SECURITY WON’T LET YOU GET IT BACK.
Alright, now let’s focus here. Eyes down here, friends. We’re talking the horrific reunion of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John today – specifically for a truly nightmarish Christmas album, imaginatively titled This Christmas. No doubt you’ve already seen some of the wreckage that this record has left in its wake, but it’s almost a given that nothing has been quite as glaringly evil and notoriously awful than the music video that the twosome put together for one of the songs from the record. Proceed with extreme caution.
Something I noted from the outset: Both of these guys are millionaires. Not quite in the same league – Travolta averaging about 160 mill, while ONJ is somewhere closer to 40 – but millionaires all the same. Why, then, did they decide to put aside maybe 20 dollars to make this video? Seriously, if you can afford a plane, you can afford a half-decent video. Hell, if you can afford the kind of heavy-duty hair dye that John is using on himself these days, you can surely afford a fucking half-decent video.
Anyway, this poorly-acted and plotless affair essentially revolves around John and Olivia getting back together for Christmas, as well as a stack of other families for no apparent reason. They just seem to be kind of tacked on in the second verse. I dunno. It’s all got this very artificial and creepy vibe to it, like they’re all part of a cult or something. I dunno, might be the Scientology wiping off on me. The dance scene near the end is particularly fucked. Maybe they all turn into aliens in the director’s cut? Who knows? All I can say is that it’s truly a Christmas nightmare we’ve got on our hands. Enjoy the fuck out of it.
Watch This Now: Twincest – “Saint”
“Took me to fire, held me to flames…”
Here’s something a bit saucy out of Sydney, starring a dear ladyfriend of mine in Hayley Foster, who you may recognise from her days in Chaingang. She’s still rocking out like the fierce alpha-femme that she is, but the music is quite different – a lot more Peaches than The Pretenders, if you will. With Laura Noir by her side, it looks like we’ll be seeing some big things from Twincest in 2013. Right here is our first proper taste of what’s to come.
In this feisty clip, the ladies trade hooks as a series of identically-dressed ladies surround them. The fast-paced choreography – kudos, Amrita Tennant - adds a dash of craziness to the mix for good measure. They sure do manage to pack in quite a bit into the song’s short run-time – and, I have to say, the thing looks absolutely massive for what was basically a shoestring budget. Fabulous debut effort, ladies – let’s keep it at this level of bootylicious for future endeavours, yes? Yes? Alllrighty then!
Watch This If You Dare: Capture the Crown – “Ladies and Gentlemen… I Give You Hell”
“I don’t feel real today, there’s something going on upstairs…”
Christ. The internet. I tell you what. Sometimes, I love it. I really, really do. Other times, it’s responsible for fucking atrocious shit like this. Capture the Crown, for those of you blissfully unaware, are a metalcore marketer’s wet dream. They buy into all of the usual bullshit that comes with post-MySpace beat-down chugga-chugg, have a USB stick full of Facebook fans and have macro-ready lyrics about how all women are out to hurt you with their accursed vaginas.
They also make music videos. In fact, I’m pretty sure they spend more time preening for music videos than they do actually making music. Part Attack Attack!, part Asking Alexandria and part Endworld, this heavily-tattooed dick-swinging honestly feels like a parody of all the crab-stance bullshit that comes with this so-called “scene.” Then you remember that it’s all too real, and the nightmares start up again. This is cancerous. Fuck this band in the face.
