“Five chicks to one, ain’t no time for respect…”
This video came out about six months after I started my blog. To this day, I have absolutely no idea why it’s taken me this long to get around to it. It’s one of the all-time great bad videos, a nasty cultural cringe that has aged horribly (which, considering it’s not even three years old, is saying something). We don’t even know that much about the guy in question – Deane “Deanzy” Wyldman has not been heard of from or since, despite attempts to break into the mainstream both here and in the States with this video. This one didn’t even reach six figures in clip views, and today we’re here to explain why.
Our adventure begins with Deane being woken up by a Skype call… that goes directly to his TV for some reason. “We’re going out!” says the blonde ditz. Wait, isn’t it the morning? Has Deanzy slept until the afternoon? We have no clue where we are or why they’re planning to go out so early. “Where are we going?” asks our hero. “Gold Coast, baby,” she responds. Now, wait just a second – aren’t they already ON the Gold Coast? Isn’t that where this guy supposedly lives? Where else would they be going out? Tamworth? It’s worth pointing out that this complex in my brain has started even before the song has properly started. Naturally, it can only get better from this point.
As we move into the verses, there’s a guy I want you to look out for. It’s the guy with the spiky blonde hair – you’ll be able to recognise him pretty easily, as he’s a good twentysomething years older than everyone around him. I can’t tell if they’re trying to pass him off as a bodyguard (which is EXACTLY what you need when you’ve got eighty thousand views on YouTube) or if he’s supposed to be one of their mates. He isn’t very convincing as either, and comes across roughly as awkward as the other dancing friend in the Friday video. You know the one.
From there, we get some joyless shots of Deane and the crew flying in a helicopter. Seconds later, it’s suddenly night time and we’re all up in the club. Yes, it is exactly as uncomfortable as you would expect. Cheap choreography, girls that look dead in the eyes dancing away and, in perhaps the most laughable moment of the whole thing, Deanzy dropping a stack of clearly fake cash to pay for all the drinks he and the girls are doing to be downing. Get fucked, stud – that isn’t even your goddamn house that you walked out of! Don’t give me that shit!
So: Is it wrong to invest so much into something that clearly had no thought process? Maybe a little. All I can tell you is that I am so very, very glad that this exists. No, truly! It’s one of the absolute great bad clips that this country has ever produced, up there with Warrick Capper‘s and the immortal Tamara Jaber trilogy we featured some time ago. It shows you how literally everything can go wrong, and how gloriously hilarious the results can be. I leave you with this, a real quote from the video’s comment section:
“oi bro dis is sik as ay da chix r way hot n da corous is heaps cachy. Gettin a mad pitbull vibe good stuff man keep it up. GC reperzent!”
That’s completely unedited, too. Party on.
“I’m employing every method you’ve ever heard of, I won’t be the victim…”
Straya! Have you guys ever come across Ben Salter? Dude is one of this fine country’s most underrated troubadours, formerly a geet-slinger for The Gin Club and now an endearing lone ranger. It’s a mix of warm folk and dark alt-country, a sound that’s at once uniquely harmonious and obliquely jarring. I really dig this guy, and now I finally have an excuse to be writing about him in this territory. I love it when a plan comes together, don’t you?
A couple of weeks back, he dropped a very nice video for his brand-new single, Semi-Pro Gamer. A collaboration with filmmaker Ian Powne, the video features starkly-shot, red-heavy footage of Ben himself, presumably from the perspective of his computer or console that comes into the equation via the lyrics. Blended in is stock footage of what appears to be both the creation of weaponry and the creation of vintage video games. I could have that all twisted, though; so take my analysis with a grain of salt. Whatever the case, I can assure that this is another great independent Australian clip that is just the right mix of darkness and light. I can’t wait for more of the same.
“Just spread my arms and flew, all the way across Canada to see you…”
Ahh, Kate. You invaluable resource of a human, you. Not only did you give us one of the best albums of 2012 in Nightflight and a shortlister for best Australian video of the year in I’ll Change Your Mind, you continue to bring joy to people all across Australia – well, apart from that one grumpy cunt in Queensland, but hey! Nobody’s perfect! Anyway, Kate, great to catch up; I’m going to talk to the reader now.
Hey, you! Oh my God, I know, right? KMH just rocking up out of nowhere and just being lovely? How crazy is that! What do you mean, imaginary? It totally happened! Just then! Anyway, no time to argue semantics – have you seen the new video for Ride This Feeling? It’s a collaboration with Lucy Dyson, who is a very clever artist that has worked with the likes of Gotye, Sarah Blasko, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, The Drones and Dan Kelly. Fucking impressive, right? Here, she brings her drawing and animation finesse to give a literal expression of Ride This Feeling‘s lyrics, right down to the surreal dream that Kate falls into around the second verse. It’s a spot-on collab, sweet and clever in equal measure. It’s only a matter of weeks before I get to see the lady in question again as a part of the Heavenly Sounds show in Sydney – and friend-of-the-blog Brendan Maclean is opening! AYFKM? So good! So yes, until then, immerse yourself in this.
“There is a pool and we must go, it’s just something we need to do…”
Gosh, don’t you just love them Cub Scouts? It still blows my mind that I’m blogging about little Tim Nelson so many years after the fact – see either of my previous posts about CS – and with his crew of baby-faced bandmates, he really is going from strength to strength. Looks like we’ll finally be getting an album from this Brisvegan cats this year, and this new single is more than enough to tide me over until I’ve got an LP in my sweaty little palms.
Here, the Cubbies have teamed up yet again with the Slink It Up crew, as well as a team of gorgeous synchronized swimmers. In their best vintage trunks, the Scouts head to the titular pool themseves to go head-to-head with the pros – and, for what it’s worth, they don’t do too badly! I particularly love watching Tim and bassist Zoe Davis near the beginning, as they lie parallel to one another and trade lines. It’s simple, but ever so sweet. As with pretty much all of their videos thus far, you’re guaranteed a smile with this clip. And hey, if you’re in Sydney this weekend, they’re playing Sunday arvo at the Metro Theatre Lair with Millions. I’m hoping to pop in for a bit of a dance post-Title Fight and pre-Neil Young, so let’s see how that works out!
“We bet that parties are rebel, you know it’s not the same if they’re not…”
Catch-up time for Y,WGAV! continues – hell, will we EVER be up to date? Who knows. All I can tell you is that DZ Deathrays are back in action. Since releasing their debut LP, Bloodstreams, the boys have been tearing up stages here and abroad with some world-class hype following their every move. They also released one of the best Aussie clips of the year, the Call Me Al parody of No Sleep, starring the one and only Arj Barker. How the hell do you follow up such an ingenious slice of madness?
One simple word: Dogs. Yep, they were one of the many highlights of the No Sleep video, galloping past in the final moments. Here, they return in a much more prominent form – the video for Cops/Capacity centres itself around two crooked cops that also happen to be canines. They harrass women, they smash up cars and they get stoned with criminals. I’m not going to lie to you – it’s pretty badass. The production/direction team of the Hayes Brothers have done a bang-up job, following these two evil dog-cops around Brooklyn and creating something perfectly-paced and darkly humourous, fitting the whole dealio perfectly. Now, can we please get these fuckers back to Oz for a show or two? That stage isn’t going to dive off itself, y’know.
“The tiding is high and moving into town, I hope it doesn’t take you…”
What you know about recurring themes? Earlier today, we had Justin Bieber rocking a pool party like no-one’s business. Now, it’s Hey Geronimo‘s turn to party – and we’re headed to the beach. For those of you playing at home, Hey Geronimo are from Brisvegas. I know their drummer, Tony, from his other band The Boat People. The rest are unfamiliar faces, but have also done their time in Brissie bands; coming together to keep the party going. And why not? Carbon Affair is, for lack of a more perfect term, fuckin’ radical. I see it having no trouble in scaling to the top of the year’s best tracks.
As for the video, the band decide to throw a hugely cheesy beach party out of boredom. You seem to think you know where it’s going for the first minute or two – silly dancing, various hijinks, etc etc etc. Then, it goes grey – literally. It takes an absurdist twist that makes me like the video and song even more. How about that? Oh, what’s that? You want to know what happens? Jesus shit. Watch it for yourself!
“Are you deaf and blind to all the turns and winds, a kingdom you cannot defend…”
Some indie pop joy coming straight outta Brisbane from Cub Scouts, the vehicle for the little songwriter that could, Tim Nelson. I’ve been following this kid since we were both in high school, keeping in touch through MySpace (no shit!) and to finally see him getting the attention that he deserves is really an awesome thing. As much as I loved their first single as Cub Scouts, Evie, I sadly couldn’t get as much into the video as I was hoping due to its similarities to Parades‘ Loserspeak in New Tongue clip that had come out some 6 months before. This time around, however, it’s a clip that I loved instantly.
Working with director Sam Rogers, the band plays escapee prisoners on what looks like the hippest jailbreak ever. They take off on old-people scooters, run in slow motion and play their instruments while getting their mug shots. It’s pretty awesome to see Tim despondently playing his tambourine while he’s in handcuffs and getting interrogated by the officer. They’ve put together a really sweet and clever video that is definitely worth a watch or three. See if you love them as much as I do. Just you wait and see.
“We built this bridge as big as Brooklyn, it’s gonna burn…”
Here’s an adorable way to start your Tuesday: meet Kate Martin, a sweet-voiced and softly-spoken singer-songwriter all the way from Townsville in Queensland, Australia. And before I hear any groaning or complaining from up the back there, I’d like to point out that Kate is different to your average Julia Stone wannabe. There’s depth to this sound, an ethereal nature that arises somewhere in the ghostly harmonies and the melodies that are nigh-on impossible to get out of one’s head. Point is, I really like her. And I want to share her with you lot.
This gorgeous clip is shot in countryside Victoria. It’s not so much what happens in this video, but where and how. The video is essentially Martin and her band, The Shallow Sea Choir, driving along, playing in a field, discovering an abandoned house and sitting on a blanket on the grass. Fairly innocuous stuff, really – so it’s all in the gorgeous locations (where) and the warmth between the band members (how) that makes this such an utterly charming clip.
Somebody please whoop me upside the head if this lady makes it to Sydney and I miss out.